Rock of the Dead is a thing. A thing that, at first investigation, should be a brilliant marriage betwixt Typing of the Dead and Guitar Hero. However — spoiler alert! — that's simply just not the case.
In fact, if you attempt to play Typing of the Dead on Dreamcast, using a Guitar Hero controller, you'll probably have a more fun and effective experience than you would even popping this abomination into your Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3.
Yes, these are strong words. Hit the jump to find out exactly why I use them.
Rock of the Dead (Xbox 360, PlayStation)
Developer: Epicenter
Publisher: UFO Interactive Games (Xbox 360), Conspiracy Entertainment (PS3)
Released: October 19, 2010
MSRP: $39.99
Rock of the Dead begins innocently enough. You select "Story" mode, plastic guitar in hand, and stand by with baited breath to experience both "rock" and the "dead." They're both in the title! Surely, the game must contain them in bounty-less amounts! Well, as the meteor shower begins in the trailer park where your character (voiced by Neil Patrick Harris) is performing a "concert"… for his grandfather… strange things begin to happen. A meteor lands right by your "stage" and, yes, a person once dead rises from the grave and starts shambling towards you while White Zombie's "More Human Than Human" begins playing. Okay, so there's your "rock," and your "dead."
Save for one or two more zombies, this is the last you see of either for a while.
The majority of the creatures you battle through the first few stages of the game are not, in fact, zombies. Most are either mutated bugs or falling meteorites. But hey, that's ok… we're still defeating them by playing the rhythm of the music back at them… defeating them with the power of rock, right? I mean, that's what NPH keeps telling me I'm doing.
Well, yes and no. Sure, you're using a plastic guitar peripheral to pluck out the color combinations that appear on screen under each enemy creature, but you're not actually playing along with the song. For example, you have a zombie in front of you (maybe). Under him is a static fret board, with four diagonal colors bars on it. Green on top, yellow next, red, then blue on the bottom. We're familiar with these by now. On certain lines, there are horizontal "buttons," depicting what you should "play." For most creatures, it's three or four. But for smaller ones, like the majority of the bugs, it's only two. Now, bear in mind, this is a static note highway. Actually, I shouldn't even call it a highway. It's a button chart. And charts, like anything else, are usually read left to right. This, sadly can lead to problems.
If you're familiar with any of the current crop of music rhythm games (and really, who isn't by now?) generally speaking, the note that's lowest to the bottom of the screen is the note you'll play first, as that's the one nearing the edge of the highway. You must remove this thinking immediately if you want to play this title. If you play a lot of music rhythm games (like our illustrious Editor-in-Chief Nick Chester does) this may prove difficult indeed, as you may often be hitting notes out of order.
Again, as stated, this is a button chart, not a note highway. You must press and then strum the colors in order of left to right. The faster you do this, well, the faster the creature is defeated. Does it make sense? Sure, if you're completely out of the rhythm game mind-set. But herein lies the next problem.
THIS IS NOT A RHYTHM GAME. At all. The buttons that appear below each creature on the chart apply to NOTHING. Not the song playing, nor the particular type of creature. No discernible rhythm, rhyme or reason. Just plunk out what's on screen, and the baddie goes away.
While this sounds simple enough, the execution is really where this idea falters. Let's say you've now gotten yourself completely out of the music game mind-set, and you're now scanning the screen from left to right to defeat your foes. Suddenly, four flying alien bugs appear on screen — two in the background on the left side, and two in the foreground on the right side. Well, beginning on the left, you start plunking away at the buttons used to defeat that creature…and get attacked by the ones on the right. Now you have to adjust for what's closer. But sometimes, you can't tell what's closer! Sometimes there are six or seven enemies on screen, and as you think you're reading one enemy's chart (which is getting closer to the bottom of the screen as it approaches… which flips you back into the music game mind-set) you're actually attacking something in the background… because its charts happen to begin with the same button. There's no way to pick and choose what you're attacking.
Luckily, there are power blasts for these situations. Build up enough of a combo or gather some power from orbs on the side of your path and you can unleash a blast of rock energy to defeat all the small swarms on screen. Just hold down all the buttons at once and strum. Sure, alright, no biggie… as long as you can keep building up the meter, this is actually a very handy tool.
But remember how I said this wasn't a rhythm game, and everything you play doesn't match the song playing in the background? Well..occasionally, they decide it does match, and they send a stronger enemy your way. For the first few levels, it's a big scorpion. Now, a button chart that scrolls appears on screen, and the music that was playing in the background gets louder (or stops), as you're actually going to play it to defeat the creature. Don't get too excited though, kids, because it scrolls — say it with me now – left to right. Here in this instance, this is actually way easier to follow than with the flurry of other enemies on screen, and is honestly the only moments of the game I actually enjoyed.
Why? I felt justified for actually holding a guitar controller to play the game. When this happens (with big enemies or with the "boss fights" scattered through the areas), you feel like the controller is actually useful for the game type you're playing. In every other fight, you may as well be holding a regular controller… or better yet, a keyboard. That might actually make more sense, and wouldn't sound so "clicky clicky" annoying when it doesn't match the music in game.
Speaking of the music, remember how I said the first stage begins with White Zombie? Well, as soon as that stage is done you get… classical music, performed on guitar. Not exactly rock, really. You think you'd hear from Rob Zombie and company a bit more, as he's touted as "featuring" on the game's box. Disappointingly, these tracks only appear a few times in the game.
Well, we certainly do hear a good bit from NPH, that's for sure. As the protagonist of the game, he speaks for you… a lot. And generally, his dialogue isn't all that scintillating. Well, that's okay, I guess — it's trying to emulate old b-movie zombie flicks, right? Well, it didn't have to try to emulate it that much. If I hear him say "epic," "rugged," or "killer" in this same lame tone again, I'll scream. Neil sounds so bored it's like he's reading his dioalogue off the back of his paycheck. In a full "Dr Horrible" fan moment, Felicia Day makes an appearance as your girlfriend, Mary Beth, and she at least sounds slightly happier to be involved.
Should I even mention the graphics? Honestly… no. So I won't. Have a look at these screens for yourself.
Did I mention you can use a drum kit to play this thing too? You can imagine what that sound like, as there's no use for rhythm in this game.
So, let's see… we have very little "rock" or "dead" in a game called Rock of the Dead. We have confusing controls (unless you've never played a music game, except in those sections where you fight stronger enemies), no targeting system, and hum drum voicework by well-known celebrity talent. And we have…graphics. Sort of. I mean, yeah, there's pictures there but…. yeah, we agreed I wouldn't even mention this. I'm sure some would say it should get some extra points just based on having NPH, Felicia Day and Rob Zombie involved… so we'll go with that.
This game does not in fact rock, but succeeds in doing quite the opposite.
Score: 3