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Iconic game designer Will Wright has described the Wii as more of a toy than a gaming console, and believes the system should be considered as such. Before you get your torches and pitchforks though, bear in mind that he doesn’t mean that as a bad thing.

“I think the Wii is a very unique platform, and that’s kind of its core value,” he explains. ”That’s why it’s been so successful — because it’s pretty clearly different than the Xbox or the PlayStation. I think the Wii provides very fun experiences for the most part, but it’s kind of a different level of experience; it’s not like these 40-hour involved RPG games as much as it is like these fun toys to pick up and start playing in five minutes.

“And it’s really fun with a group of people sitting around… It really is more into what I would call the toy market, because most of the Wii games I’ve enjoyed felt more like toys than like games.”

Funnily enough, the Wii is starting to get quite a few involved RPGs and there are plenty of traditional games if you know where to look. I totally see what he’s saying though. The Wii is a gimmick and a toy, but that’s not a bad thing at all. It is, after all, why Nintendo is so effing rich right now.

Wii Belongs In Toy Market, Says Will Wright [Industry Gamers]

What if you were to build a full-on third-person shooter from the ground up, with the controls and action that you’re used to, and then work the world of Transformers on top of it? That’s exactly what they did with Transformers: War for Cybertron. This way, the design focus was on control, and the end result of this is a game with third-person shooter controls and concepts that you’re already familiar with. Exploration of the Transformers world is like icing on the cake, especially for fans that would like to fully explore the lore.

So, think third-person, like Gears of War, but you’re controlling Autobots and Decepticons. Yeah, it’s like that, and it looks pretty sharp so far.

This game takes place totally on Cybertron, set in the last stages of the civil war there. This all goes down well before planet Earth is ever involved, so you need not worry about any of that Michael Bay nonsense. The opening sequence was set in Cybertron’s capitol, in a vast, skyscraper-filled, all metal world where doors and gateways sort of…transformed open. Imagine the peak of Transformers civilization, and you’ll have a good idea of how this city looked. Being set during the war, gunfire lit up the sky and ships came crashing down into set pieces. The stage looked to be perfectly set for an immersive third-person shooter.

T:RotC supports anytime jump-in-or-out 3 player cooperative play, and we were teased with the multiplayer aspect, though no details were revealed yet. With the co-op, you can play with anyone on your friends list, or let AI take over at any time. There’s two separate campaigns, with the stories of the Decepticons and Autobots being the obvious focus. Each feature completely different stories with completely different levels, characters, and content.

The first segment I saw was played as Optimus in his pre-Prime stage. The Autobots story side follows his rise as a leader. In this time of war, all hopes were on him for arising as a new leader for the Autobots, but he is still a humble up-and-comer at this point.

Gameplay wise, you’re looking at a game that is set up just like many other shooters that you’ve played. A similar HUD, damage and weapons status reflected in the mid-screen reticule, equippable weapons, grenades (on a dedicated button), and the like. R3? That’s a melee attack. The bots all have character-specific abilities. Optimus has a fast-moving dash ability and a resource-based AOE damage buff called Warcry.

I watched on as Decepticon troops were blasted and smashed in a cinematic style. Gateways opened up in a fantastic, multi-staged way (very Transformer-ish), and explosions lit up the sky. Later, I saw some turret game play. Optimus and his two mates were able to walk up to a turret and then unify with it, making a sort of fused weapon. Later I saw that you were able to break the turret off and use it as a limited-time weapon. And here’s a really nice touch: each weapon picked up sort of becomes a part of the bot using it. Even the colors change to match the user. For example, if Bumblebee were to pick up a gun, it would turn yellow.

The difference, of course, is the ability to transform. All the bots can transform anywhere and at any time between vehicle and bot forms. Driving and flying (as a jet) game play features the same controls as the walking/running play, encouraging players to switch as they please. In each form, each character will see different advantages, such as weapons that are set to specific modes. For example, while driving, you may not have access to your abilities, but you could have something like a ramming ability. Driving, you can both hover and boost. Hovering has players strafing while floating over the ground, making for fast movement. Changing does not change the pace of play. Boosting (holding down a trigger) is more traditional, like a nitro boost on wheels. Finally, I saw some jet game play. Each jet has two weapons, dodging and evades, like barrel rolls. The idea is to combo from one form to another to best fit the situation.

You might have plenty of shooter notches in your belt, but Transformers: War for Cybertron is unique in that you can change forms on the fly, making for a game that opens itself to a new kind of flexibility. And while we didn’t get to see much of it yet, I feel like these forms will work with the game’s three-player cooperative play in some pretty interesting ways, promoting teamwork play. Aside from speaking to the dedicated Transformers fan, I feel like Transformers: War for Cybertron is equally inviting to those want to try a new twist on the third-person shooter.

What if you were to build a full-on third-person shooter from the ground up, with the controls and action that you’re used to, and then work the world of Transformers on top of it? That’s exactly what they did with Transformers: War for Cybertron. This way, the design focus was on control, and the end result of this is a game with third-person shooter controls and concepts that you’re already familiar with. Exploration of the Transformers world is like icing on the cake, especially for fans that would like to fully explore the lore.

So, think third-person, like Gears of War, but you’re controlling Autobots and Decepticons. Yeah, it’s like that, and it looks pretty sharp so far.

This game takes place totally on Cybertron, set in the last stages of the civil war there. This all goes down well before planet Earth is ever involved, so you need not worry about any of that Michael Bay nonsense. The opening sequence was set in Cybertron’s capitol, in a vast, skyscraper-filled, all metal world where doors and gateways sort of…transformed open. Imagine the peak of Transformers civilization, and you’ll have a good idea of how this city looked. Being set during the war, gunfire lit up the sky and ships came crashing down into set pieces. The stage looked to be perfectly set for an immersive third-person shooter.

T:RotC supports anytime jump-in-or-out 3 player cooperative play, and we were teased with the multiplayer aspect, though no details were revealed yet. With the co-op, you can play with anyone on your friends list, or let AI take over at any time. There’s two separate campaigns, with the stories of the Decepticons and Autobots being the obvious focus. Each feature completely different stories with completely different levels, characters, and content.

The first segment I saw was played as Optimus in his pre-Prime stage. The Autobots story side follows his rise as a leader. In this time of war, all hopes were on him for arising as a new leader for the Autobots, but he is still a humble up-and-comer at this point.

Gameplay wise, you’re looking at a game that is set up just like many other shooters that you’ve played. A similar HUD, damage and weapons status reflected in the mid-screen reticule, equippable weapons, grenades (on a dedicated button), and the like. R3? That’s a melee attack. The bots all have character-specific abilities. Optimus has a fast-moving dash ability and a resource-based AOE damage buff called Warcry.

I watched on as Decepticon troops were blasted and smashed in a cinematic style. Gateways opened up in a fantastic, multi-staged way (very Transformer-ish), and explosions lit up the sky. Later, I saw some turret game play. Optimus and his two mates were able to walk up to a turret and then unify with it, making a sort of fused weapon. Later I saw that you were able to break the turret off and use it as a limited-time weapon. And here’s a really nice touch: each weapon picked up sort of becomes a part of the bot using it. Even the colors change to match the user. For example, if Bumblebee were to pick up a gun, it would turn yellow.

The difference, of course, is the ability to transform. All the bots can transform anywhere and at any time between vehicle and bot forms. Driving and flying (as a jet) game play features the same controls as the walking/running play, encouraging players to switch as they please. In each form, each character will see different advantages, such as weapons that are set to specific modes. For example, while driving, you may not have access to your abilities, but you could have something like a ramming ability. Driving, you can both hover and boost. Hovering has players strafing while floating over the ground, making for fast movement. Changing does not change the pace of play. Boosting (holding down a trigger) is more traditional, like a nitro boost on wheels. Finally, I saw some jet game play. Each jet has two weapons, dodging and evades, like barrel rolls. The idea is to combo from one form to another to best fit the situation.

You might have plenty of shooter notches in your belt, but Transformers: War for Cybertron is unique in that you can change forms on the fly, making for a game that opens itself to a new kind of flexibility. And while we didn’t get to see much of it yet, I feel like these forms will work with the game’s three-player cooperative play in some pretty interesting ways, promoting teamwork play. Aside from speaking to the dedicated Transformers fan, I feel like Transformers: War for Cybertron is equally inviting to those want to try a new twist on the third-person shooter.

When confronted with the prospect of Ubisoft’s horrific DRM system, which requires PC players to never ever be offline ever, a distressing amount of people shrugged and went “Eh, I have good internet anyway.”

Well, it seems that Ubisoft itself didn’t have very good internet – not in Europe, at least – as its authentication servers went down at around 8AM GMT, kicking some players off their Assassin’s Creed 2 sessions and subjecting others trying to come online to lengthy log-in waits or frequent timeouts.

A Ubisoft UK representative, “Ubi.Vigil” responded to the immediate (and justified) forum conflagration by calling the outages “unacceptable, particularly as [I have] been told [that] these servers are constantly monitored.”

A later status update stated:

Due to exceptional demand, we are currently experiencing difficulties with the Online Service Platform. This does not affect customers who are currently playing, but customers attempting to start a game may experience difficulty in accessing our servers. We are currently working to resolve this issue and apologize for any inconvenience.

“Exceptional demand”? Seriously? That’s just great. And to think that every Ubisoft PC release, from now until they say otherwise, is going to be equipped with this schlock.

And, looking back to their panicked damage-control “response” interview with PC Gamer, they refused to make a 100% commitment to patch out the DRM should they decide to take down the authentication servers entirely, this all seems portentous.

Well, at least someone’s going to fix this, right?

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

Ubisoft DRM Authentication Server is down, Assassin’s Creed 2 Unplayable [Joystiq]

Evil publisher Activision has responded to this morning’s news that ex-Infinity Ward bosses Jason West and Vince Zampella with an official statement, expressing “disappointment” over the decision, and essentially painting the fired studio bosses as the villains of the piece. Looks like this is going to get worse before it gets better, kids.

Activision is disappointed that Mr. Zampella and Mr. West have chosen to file a lawsuit, and believes their claims are meritless. Over eight years, Activision shareholders provided these executives with the capital they needed to start Infinity Ward, as well as the financial support, resources and creative independence that helped them flourish and achieve enormous professional success and personal wealth.

In return, Activision legitimately expected them to honor their obligations to Activision, just like any other executives who hold  positions of trust in the company.  While the company showed enormous patience, it firmly believes that its decision was justified based on their course of conduct and actions.  Activision remains committed to the Call of Duty franchise, which it owns, and will continue to produce exciting and innovative games for its millions of fans.

You’ve got the love the bitter little stab at the end, where Activision affirms that it “owns” Call of Duty. Regardless of Activision’s statement, the whole situation was revealed in such a controversial and frankly bizarre way that it’s difficult for the publisher to come out of this one smelling clean, and this is just round one in what is sure to be months of sh*t flinging.

PC gaming is famous for obsolete hardware and significant, regular upgrade costs as gamers struggle expensively to match the latest graphical advancements. According to PC developer Futuremark, however, console gamers are rapidly catching up, with hardware obsolescence no longer a problem for computers only.

“There’s some irony here in that consoles are now being threatened with the same sort of hardware obsolescence and upgrade cost issues as the PC was previously,” says producer Jaakko Haapasalo. It’s evident he is talking about projects like Project Natal and the Sony Wiimote, as this generation heads toward building on the 360 and PS3 rather than replacing it. 

Of course, the thing with Natal and the Sony Wiimote is that these upgrades will cost a fraction of what PC gamers need to spend on new graphics cards. PCs cost thousands of dollars outright, and then you need to constantly keep them maintained. Until new graphics cards stop costing the same as a full home console, I don’t think it’s fair at all to compare PCs and consoles in this way. 

Consoles suffering same ‘hardware obsolescence’ as PC [CVG]

_{[Editor's Note: We're not just a (rad) news site -- we also publish opinions/editorials from our community & employees like this one, though be aware that it may not jive with the opinions of Destructoid as a whole, or how our moms raised us. Want to post your own article in response? Publish it now on our community blogs.]}

In this day and age, everyone’s got a hobby. Be it a sport, comic books, photography, or whatever. Everyone’s got something they like to do for fun. Mine, along with a lot of you reading this, would be videogames. Now for most of you, you’ll play the games and such, and that’s where you’ll get your enjoyment out of them. I on the other hand, have taken this hobby in a different direction with collecting.

Let me tell you, this collecting bug has been taken to the extreme. 

Part of my way of having fun.

While you people are playing your deathmatches, engrossing RPGs, band simulators, and whatever other genre you’re into, I’m cataloging, organizing, and researching what I want to be the latest addition to my vast and growing collection. It’s like a disease that I love and it costs me pretty much an arm and a leg, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When you get the collecting bug, you can’t stop it. You can try to narrow down the scope of what you want to collect, but let me tell you, it requires immense willpower to do so. Once you’ve got the bug though, you’ll go through hell in high water to do any and everything you can so that the insatiable hunger can continuously be fed. The main two components of collecting though would be technique and networking.

While many of you may be regulars to your local videogame purchasing establishment and occasionally chat them up and all, or you just try to get your game and get the hell out of the place as soon as possible, I’ve boosted myself to the level of legitimate friend of these employees. Going to a store so frequently the entire staff recognizes you and greets you the moment you enter the door, talking to them about real life events and situations, and just generally having a good rapport with them leads to friendship and every collectors dream — first dibs!

Not a picture of MY personal store, but probably an awesome one anyways.

As many of you already know, I have a little haven for adding to my collection called Cash Converters! The best way to describe the place would be an upscale pawn shop. Roughly about three or four years ago, I used to go in about every other day after finding some gems like Star Ocean: The Second Story and ActRaiser. After a few weeks, the staff began to recognize me and knew I was quite the serious collector/customer, and above all, was a friendly guy. Eventually they just started holding some stuff for me, and when I’d come in, ask me if I wanted it. They just started doing this without me even asking them!

This eventually grew to them asking me for my phone number, and giving me a ring whenever anything that may interest me came in. Did they have to do this? No. Did they want to? Yes. Why? Because they recognized my sincerity and true appreciation of how much I love to collect videogames, and how much I appreciate their kind gestures. As I state, they in no way, shape, or form had to do this, but did so out of the kindness of their hearts. In return, I repay them back with some kickass Italian sandwiches, hamburgers, and other goodies here and there, which I don’t have to give them, but I do, because it’s what I feel is the RIGHT thing to do. You could consider this a technique per se, but this is just more the essence of being sociable and taking advantage of networking.

A living legend in terms of contribution to my collection, and a guy I’m proud to call a friend.

If you have doubts on whether or not this works, tell me if two copies of Earthbound, about three Super Mario RPGs, an in box copyright infringement Tetris, all three console versions of Marvel vs. Capcom 2, a couple Chrono Triggers, pretty much close to every valuable/awesome SNES game imaginable, rare limited edition games like The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker/Ocarina of Time combo pack, a steady supply of in box GBA games, pretty much my entire PlayStation collection including: black label Final Fantasy VII, Castlevania Chronicles, Legend of Mana, Tales of Destiny I and II, etc., god knows how many PS2 games, a Turbografx-16, a Sega Master System, an in box V-Saturn, and countless other items are not of any interest to any of you. This is just a prime example of how networking can lead to various gems for collecting and such.

Can’t ask for anything more than this.

I mean for god’s sake, I didn’t even ask them to do this or anything, but the employees even bought me a box to store stuff that may be of interest for me, and dubbed it the “Jon Lee Box ‘O’ Stuff.” Now if that isn’t awesome, I don’t know what is.

So, enough with that tangent. That’s just one example of my expertise of collecting. What goes in hand with this expertise though, would be the equally if not more important factors of just being a happy, sociable, charismatic guy. Does this make me sound like I’m full of myself? The simple answer, yes. But does it work? Once again, yes. This just comes naturally for me, but for those of you trying to get your foot in the door with your local shop and all, this is a very important technique to take note of. Being happy and nice to people goes a long way in terms of being a collector, as happiness is contagious, and let’s get real here folks, who would rather deal with a drab and angry person, as opposed to a jovial and energetic one? That’s what I thought.

This happy and positive attitude is even conveyed online, particularly with sellers of a certain site some of you may be familiar with, eBay. Not only am I a massive collector of games, I’d say I’m an even bigger fan of “swag” per se. All those pre-order bonuses, or promotional materials given away, anything really promoting a game I’m a fan of, I want it. Up here in Canada, we usually get scammed or screwed out of the “good” stuff, so the only way for me to obtain these things are through eBay. Some people just purchase an item and don’t even try to contact the seller or if they ask a question, they try to keep it as brief as possible. I, on the other hand, always message the seller before making a purchase and usually just inquire about condition or shipping charges and such. Just being very cordial and polite goes a long way, as some sellers are able to tell you’re a serious buyer and that you want to make life easier for everyone involved. Just through my polite and nice messages, I’ve even made some eBay “friends,” where some sellers will actually email me before posting new auctions, asking if I would like promo items or such. Some even make special auctions for me to win, and even discount the items and such. Once again, just being friendly and all, has aided me to no end in terms of allowing my collection to grow. This is yet another example of how even online networking can reap you glorious rewards for the collector in you.

Club Nintendo Gamecube Controller, Super Famicon Classic Controller, and Wii TV Remote.

Examples of things I’ve gotten first dibs on or have been treated special to would be my Kingdom Hearts 2 and Final Fantasy XII standees (which were suppose to be shipped only to confirmed addresses, but was forwarded to a mutual friend in the States then to me), pretty much all of my Club Nintendo Japan items, an E3 Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles press box full of goodies, all of my Harvest Moon farm animal plushies, numerous E3 exclusives, and countless other things as well, including some games.

Still, this collecting obsession I have, it wouldn’t be all fun and games unless I had a method to my madness. Believe it or not, it’s all about strategy and technique when it comes to collecting. It’s about setting price targets and limits to what you want. It’s also about maximizing goods with the least required time and effort put into it.

Let’s use PAX 2009 as an example. Before the first day started, possumwrangeler, GraveRisen, and myself took a look at the floor map of the convention and actually drew out a map of what booths we were going to hit, and in what order, in order to maximize our free swag. We designated a grabber of items, one to run ahead to see if there was actually anything worthwhile, and then one as the duffel bag carrier. Some of our fellow Dtoiders made comments about how they thought they had a fair amount of swag and all, but when they saw mine, they said that the system I was following was insane. Another example of how being just and upbeat and cheerful person helps out in satisfying the collecting bug, would be how I was just chatting up one of the guys demoing Muramasa and just started talking about how we get scammed in Canada for promo items. Well you know what? The guy gave me his business card, told me to email him, and he’d fix me up. So, after the convention I followed up with him, the guy FedEx overnight express shipped me one of those “wall scroll” packs.

Glorious, glorious networking.

Once again, networking essential, because you never know who might have that gem you’re looking for. Just getting out and socializing with people is something I’m completely comfortable with, and while some of us may shy away from telling people we’re gamers and all, it’s something I embrace, which has led to others knowing that I’m a person they can turn to if they ever want to get rid of their games and such. It’s through this networking that netted me some quite rare games, due to people referring me to Kijiji ads, friends of friends, or yard sales going on.

Using varying techniques and networking, I take advantage of another thing that leads to being able to collect even more games I’m after, flipping. Just having a general knowledge of what games are popular with other people, but are somewhat difficult to obtain for a good price, such as: Ico, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars, etc., allow me to purchase these “doubles” to trade away so that I can obtain rare games that other people are willing to part with. The best example of this would be some of the games I’ve traded away through the Trading Forums on the site.

A great way to take advantage of flipping and getting the best bang for your buck.

Another great method of flipping, to save some money since collecting is a VERY expensive hobby of mine, is to keep an eye on trade-in values, since if I can get games that trade-in at high values for extremely cheap, and then take advantage of promotions like getting an addition 50% trade-in value for pre-ordering certain games, purchasing new games and collector’s editions is much easier on the wallet. You will have to have some extra money in order to do this, but an example would be getting 2 copies of Tekken 6 on Xbox 360 for $12.50 each ($25 spent), with an EB Games trade-in value of $37 and getting an addition 50% trade-in credit, I got $110 on in-store credit. As you can see, $25 turned into $110, which was a profit of $85, which you can also look at as pretty much 350% profit. I pretty much look at that as spending $25 to get the BioShock 2 Collector’s Edition. This is a very good way to add to your collection if you have the time and money to invest in research and treasure hunting to take advantage of these deals.

Another technique I utilize is to sometimes go looking for games that are just for show. Now, it may seem extremely selfish and mean, but as a collector, I do get great satisfaction when someone sees my “museum” and gets jealous of me having something that is really rare or something they’ve been looking for forever. Anything shiny or limited fits into this category for me, like the Lunars on PlayStation, any of the RosenQueen limited editions, and my gaggles of swag. It may be hard to relate to, but when you have to have everything on display and all, and people are in awe, I get a great sense of accomplishment.

So, while you guys are gaming and getting lost in your own little worlds, I’m combing over the weekly fliers, going to flea/farmers markets, and scouring eBay for the best deal possible. While you guys are gushing over the latest upcoming titles, I’m going over lists of games and swag that I desperately need to get my hands on. When you and your friends are talking about the latest hit, I’m thinking of ways to complete my Atlus collection. When you’re studying for midterms, I’m heading to Cash Converters to buy 12 SNES games that just came in. When you’re in the Forums talking about random stuff, I’m hunting down requests and electronics to trade. More importantly, when you guys are playing your games, I’m completely focused on my expertise: collecting.

Fredrik Liliegrin is the former CEO and co-founder of DICE and is now running a gaming company called Antic Entertainment. As such we should take his opinion on things very seriously and get really angry when he says things. Here’s the thing to get angry about (or agree with him on, I suppose):

…the Wii, to me, I would describe it as a Virus, that doesn’t stick. Everyone comes home, it’s a toy, people have got to realize the Wii is a toy, not an entertainment focused product. People come home, someone, they play Wii for a bit, feel it’s really cool, blah blah blah, they go out and buy one. Ask people how often they play the Wii, that are not the core game consumer that buys one because they have an Xbox 360 and a Wii or a PlayStation 3 and a Wii. The people that only own the Wii, ask that consumer how often they use their machine. They just don’t use it, it was cool, but they’re not gamers, so they put it away. Other than the Wii Fit phenomenon that helped a lot of people get a nice cutie voice telling that they’re fat and need to go work out, they need to find other alternatives. Nintendo is smart in that way in that they realize this is not a video game machine, this is not a games game machine.

Aside from the fact that his virus metaphor kind of falls apart about half way through and whoever typed the quote up could have sharpened it up a bit, do you think he has a point? I know my Wii has been turned on almost constantly recently, but I’m the hardcore gamer he’s talking about. Is everyone else just shelving the thing? If the answer is yes, it’s sad to see so many people missing out on great games.

Free internet high five to whomever insights the first fanboy argument.

Former DICE CEO: ‘The Wii Is A Virus’ [Gaming Union]

_{[Editor's Note: We're not just a (rad) news site -- we also publish opinions/editorials from our community & employees like this one, though be aware that it may not jive with the opinions of Destructoid as a whole, or how our moms raised us. Want to post your own article in response? Publish it now on our community blogs.]}

Actually, I’m incredibly below average.

That’s not to say I’m not an awesome gamer though. I recite game fact’s like there’s no tomorrow, I’ve helped make major decisions for people on what they should drop their money on, I’ve helped many a man go through many a game, I’ve helped people remember old games they didn’t even know they have played, and I’m a strong advocate of telling people what’s coming out, when, and why they should at least care about it.

Actually playing the goddamn videogames though? Jesus, is that a story. 

I’ve been gaming for awhile now, and I’ve played a bunch of stuff. Crash Bandicoot, Super Mario Sunshine, Rez, Spyro the Dragon, Halo, Shadow of the Colossus, Space Invaders, Modern Warfare and GoldenEye. I’ve dipped in my blistered fingers into a lot of things, and as you may already know, a lot of those games I have never actually finished, but that can be a common thing for a lot of people (I hope). Car enthusiasts don’t drive all the cars they buy extensively, so I’m not worried about the whole finishing thing. I do finish stuff, I beat The Legend of Zelda; Wind Waker, and that was my crowning achievement in my personal gaming history.

The problem is that it took me 200+ hours to do it.

I can play games well enough to just get by. A lot of people would say that’s all that matters, but their definition of “just getting by” and mine are, unfortunately, different. Most people might spend maybe 2 or 3 tries on the first boss in Wind Waker. It took me 2 weeks. I literally remember beating the damn lava scorpion/crab thing, saving, turning off the game, and as I put the mini gold disk back in its gold case, I looked at the receipt, which I always kept in the game case. I checked the date, and realized it’d taken me two weeks to beat what was effectively level one.

I think I beat my head against a wall for about three hours, and the head trauma probably brought about the persona you see today, named Daxelman.

This is something I’ve had trouble with since I was young, ever since I first laid eyes on Pokémon R/B/Y. Friends of mine had level 100 everything’s, been on third and fourth play-trough’s, even had Missingno’s up the wazzo. A few of my buddies even succeeded in catching all 151 pocket monsters.

Me?

I was still stuck on that psycho bitch Sabrina, six months after the start. After that, I never played another Pokémon game without using a guide book or an online FAQ. I finished Diamond in about a month, which was the fastest I had even finished a Pokémon game, and I sit and play that shit for 10 hours a day. That’s coming from my mother, who timed me during that month.

But I digress, you might not understand my turmoil from these single-player examples. You might just say that I’m enjoying the game much more thoroughly than others, or in Pokémon’s case, grinding the hell out of the game. Let’s talk other games then, the recent stuff.

Kingdom Hearts 2 is the game I took the least amount of time on, 31 hours and 42 minutes. I watched all the cut scenes, and did the bare minimum of everything. I think was about level 48 when I beat that game. That’s not bad, considering cut scenes and how retarded the battles with Demyx are. But that was on easy, and I wanted that goddamned Birth by Sleep teaser on my HDTV, and not some shitty YouTube stream. So I decided I would go through the game two more times, once on Standard, and finally on Proud mode.

Standard was a nightmare. I spent a week on the Demyx battles, that shit was crazy. The Lion King section had me going for about another week, and then came the finality that was the World That Never Was. God, I spent so much time dying, leveling up, dying, leveling up, discovering Final Form, dying, and leveling up. By the time I beat the game on Standard, I had spent about 120 hours on that file, and had doubled my level count.

Started Proud mode. Couldn’t get past the first skirmish at Hallow Bastion. Let me add that the longest I lasted against Sephiroth was 15 seconds, although he’s hard to everyone, so he kind of doesn’t count, but still, 15 seconds. I’m a freaking pansy.

A lot of the time, it’s lack of sufficient skill. I can kill your run of the mill bad guy group of 5 or 6, no problem. I drop headshots like I’m fucking Wanted in Killzone 2 against the A.I., I make Nazi motherfuckers look sorry in Call of Duty: Big Red One. They gravity gun is a weapon of mass physics puzzle completion in Half Life 2. But you start asking more of me, and I start to break down. Escort missions? Sorry girl, you’re going to have to die, for the 15th time. You want me blow something up that’s guarded? Better hope the guards are stupider than I am, though I wouldn’t bet on it. Cover you while you go in and kill all the terrorists? Nope, motherfucker, you better cover me, and heads up; I ain’t killin’ any terrorists.

Don’t even talk to me about online gaming. Talk to Yojimbo about that.

Other times, it’s fear that grips me. Do I have enough ammo to go through this abandoned subway station full of Super Mutants, zombies, and fucking rats? Am I a high enough level to take on that bastard Great Hollow? If I can get my Infernape to level 64, I can beat the Elite 4…no wait, it’s gotta be 65…oh shit, I need an Ice Type, gotta teach Dialga Ice Claw, then raise it to level 70…

That previous paragraph also applies to online gaming. I’m pretty much afraid to go commando in SOCOM Confrontation unless Jimbo, Pikeman, and other Dtoiders/friends got my back.

This is not to say I don’t enjoy the titles I play. I rank Kingdom Hearts 2 up there with God of War and Burnout Revenge. I absolutely love the Pokemon series, Killzone 2 was a great game despite my previous doubts of it, and I fucking love me some Half-Life. And yeah, I guess because of my heightened ability to fail, I do get to spend more time with the games I play. I would have never even known something as awesome as Final Form existed had I not spent the week grinding on Nobodies (you can’t beat Supa Sane Dual Wield Keyblades while FLYING), I caught sightings of the G-Man more times fucking up than I did succeeding, and during the 2 months or so I spent sucking on Big Red One, my history grade jumped up about 10 points. I also now have an unhealthy curiosity with WWII, and I’m willing to try any WWII FPS anyone’s willing to churn out.

I just wish that once, I could find some game that didn’t hand my ass back to me on a silver platter. Maybe I should try expanding my horizon, try out some other genres more extensively. Maybe then, I’ll find a game I can say “Yeah, that shit WAS easy!”

Disgaea DS, anyone?